on parties

I find most parties to be horribly awkward situations. I'm actually looking forward to going to parties with my son because until he's old enough to play independently, he'll keep me occupied instead of awkward.

For the most part, I get invited to three kinds of parties. And generally I go to these parties because they're fun-ish. (I'm not including family parties because my family doesn't care if I sleep on their couch half way through the party...)

1. Parties with other dancers, pretty much always involving dance, usually with me as some form of entertainment. These parties are my favourite kind and are rarely awkward.

2. Parties with friends. Usually I only know two or three people, at least one of whom is hosting said party, and they're all friends with everyone else, therefore the face time I get with the people I know is minimal. And everyone wants to know if I'm having a good time.

3. Work parties. I hate work parties. I usually don't like my coworkers enough to socialize with them. This isn't as much of a threat right now as my husband also doesn't like work parties and generally doesn't go to them, and I am currently only working for myself...

Let's talk about party #2. I usually try to bring a friend who also doesn't know anyone, as this usually guarantees me conversation. I have issues there because I suck at making small talk. To be brief, I just don't see the point in small talk. But I also don't easily start conversations either. I'm not a talker. And I'm pretty sure it's impolite to wreck someone's birthday party by approaching their friends one by one with "So, what are your thoughts on abortion?" But that is what I really want to know. Or how they feel about the design and planning of their city, or the state of public transit and how to make it better. And... I don't do well with bitching either. I don't care if you want to whine or complain about anything. That's your choice. But if you're doing it in my direction I'd prefer if you also offered a creative solution of some sort. Bitching gets no one anywhere.

That all said, I do generally choose to go to parties, as opposed to staying away. But if I'm at your party, and I'm sitting alone in a corner reading one of your books, or napping on your couch, please don't take it personally. That is my version of having a good time with other people - being in their company, listening to their conversations, observing gently, and for me, also feeling safe to participate differently.