soundtrack for late at night when you can't sleep

1. Sit Down, Stand Up (Snakes & Ladders) - Radiohead
2. Waiter - Nellie McKay
3. Alone in Kyoto - Air
4. Blackout - Muse
5. Winter - Tori Amos
6. Wolf At The Door (It Girl. Rag Doll) - Radiohead
7. Last Goodbye - Jeff Buckley
8. How do You Do? - Radiohead
9. Inner Peace - Nellie McKay
10. Creep - Radiohead
11. Time Is Running Out - Muse
12. Father Lucifer - Tori Amos
13. Watching You Without Me - Kate Bush
14. Backdrifts (Honeymoon is Over) - Radiohead
15. Sing For Absolution - Muse
16. Warm - Curtis Santiago
17. Really - Nellie McKay
18. Safe in Your Arms - Beth Orton
19 Thinking About You - Radiohead

home is quiet
light left on in case I was late
floor cold to bottom of my
feet
out of my shoes feels so good
whisper of fresh air from the
open window by the bed
sky is changing colour
lighter later but not quite summer
in the bathroom fixing laundry (see Serasonho's
loveletter to the Strat) and back is sore
from bending over the bathtub
squeezing, wringing
back by my balcony to hang it and
it
is darker, need to turn on a light to see
so quickly
see so quickly how dusk
dark
becomes

quietly out into the balmy streets, city streetlights reflecting
off the pools of water on the footpaths
where am I going? Do I want to go there? what could I possibly
need?
Do I care?

Groceries and Idon'tknowwhatall
leaving me so unsatisfied
well fed
sure fine but in the end

it's just me in my quiet dark apartment

turn all the lights on turn up the music wash the new pan to cook dinner
*finally* eat some sushi

I want chocolate but most of it is so sweet it hurts my teeth

read a bit write a bit
write a dirty spring poem for my lover
want to do something creative but nothing is quite
right

tired? But of course.
Yet sleep does not come.
The night grows old
The night grows cold
and I rolled over and stared at the ceiling
AGAIN

why can't I sleep when I want to sleep?

All these thoughts run through my head and I pick up some music
always
don't laugh, somethings really
never do change

when the rest of the world isn't working for me I
rearrange
what I can

the music I play
the day I stayed
a minute too long in some pub somewhere

a friend died

I miss her all the time
if we'd been smarter older wiser back then
if we knew then what we know now

I want to take back the night she cut my hair
the night we stood there
hugging
the night in the ravine
and by the river valley where we played until we realized
the whole time we'd been
seen
by a light from above and now

she's there
all around and everywhere

"Will you still think about me
when I'm gone?"

I wanted to show her my photos of
flowers
because if she hadn't stopped abruptly
every time we almost trod on one
all the way up that mountain
the day we danced naked at the top and took pictures
I never would have noticed flowers
and now I have a collection of 'em
from all over the world

don't tell me

(?)

"well they're fine for pictures of flowers but
what are you going to do with them?"

why the fuck do I have to "do" anything with them?

I only took them to show a friend.

like bunnies?

spring has sprung
the grass is riz
I wonder where
my true love is?

is he here or
is he there?
I want him in
my underwear!

mourning morning

floating in through the window fresh
air wafting down across my
face my
naked flesh whatever is
not under the blankets.
It is warm under the blankets.
Cold breeze and I am awake but
not
yet and I savour the moment briefly
home is safe
open my eyes and orient
several months later no
I'm not still in the Orient
waking sounds of Dengue Fever
no mosquito net
where?
sit up to look out the window
can I see what can I see what is the weather today?
my city
surprisingly low-rise out my window yet
I can see the airport. No surprise.
Stretch languish stretch hold
stretch
looking the other way
how long can I hold my head at this angle?
stretch
where again? What time? Who? Which day?
how long to flit
in the liminal stage how long to
linger
half asleep
before
I start mourning the morning?

Someone Gave me This Notebook...

waking he opened his eyes why he
heard the music thrashing bashing
blossoming over the run of memories of
I miss
obey the vibes the music seems to say
intuition a special vision
he knows the landscape may whisper
love
ogle the liquor in his glass
the night before
his soul tied twisted in sorry black twine
maybe she's sorry this time
maybe
we were flawless with summer
but the paltry season passed
leaving only a mist
I missed
Go from tiny year to big year big cheer
Mr. Sparechange was found dead
said the ancient toast now that it could burn
last night
sumptuous vast crush where his tongue was
sludge
rubber scent on the wind after he was seeping
further away
after he was
falling into
morning fading across her bed
his I AM wrapped around
what dreams may

mail order bride

Plant me a rose in your garden
so I can see it growing when I arrive

Roses can be fickle
care for it
as I know you care for me

It won't be long until I pack everything in boxes and
step onto that airplane

step on
step on

and at the count of 30
(she's a big and full bird)
we will take to the sky

Via some whitebread westcoast or mid-pacific American airport
all the signs in English
same selection of bad chocolate bars and newspapers
all over the world.

Funny that.

Globalization a culture of consumerism.
Don't tell me that is all we have in common with everyone on earth.

Don't tell me

I wanted to believe it was love or divinity
but we consume those too
rabidly

Plant a rose for me in your garden so that I can consume it
photograph it
write poetry about it
clip it for the dinner table
dry and crush the rosehips in the fall for
baths
poultices
tea

Plant a rose for me
grow it with your love
let it be an offering to
appease me

something to gaze at
when reality

isn't

something to be calm with when I realize
again

That I am lost in your/my culture
that I have become a citizen of the world

a closet pacifist
militantly against
rabid consumerism

I miss you.
I love you.