The following post is taken from a blog belonging to a very good friend of mine.
It explains very clearly one of many reasons why the thought of putting my child through public school makes me angry. I had to suffer through this Bee Es growing up, although I'm relatively certain it wasn't my parents perpetuating it.
The comment at the end is every bit as important too - this isn't just about little girls learning that violence is a show of affection. It's about teaching little boys that violence is *not* a show of affection. And that it goes both ways - girls can be equally awful.
Name calling and violent behavior is NOT EVER an acceptable method of showing affection.
Here's the post:
“I am sure every girl can recall, at least once as a child, coming
home and telling their parents, uncle, aunt or grandparent about a boy
who had pulled her hair, hit her, teased her, pushed her or committed
some other playground crime. I will bet money that most of those, if not
all, will tell you that they were told “Oh, that just means he likes
you”. I never really thought much about it before having a daughter of
my own. I find it appalling that this line of bullshit is still being
fed to young children. Look, if you want to tell your child that being
verbally and/or physically abused is an acceptable sign of affection, i
urge you to rethink your parenting strategy. If you try and feed MY
daughter that crap, you better bring protective gear because I am going
to shower you with the brand of “affection” you are endorsing.
When the fuck was it decided that we should start teaching our
daughters to accept being belittled, disrespected and abused as
endearing treatment? And we have the audacity to wonder why women stay
in abusive relationships? How did society become so oblivious to the
fact that we were conditioning our daughters to endure abusive
treatment, much less view it as romantic overtures? Is this where the
phrase “hitting on girls” comes from? Well, here is a tip: Save the
“it’s so cute when he gets hateful/physical with her because it means he
loves her” asshattery for your own kids, not mine. While you’re at it,
keep them away from my kids until you decide to teach them respect and
boundaries.
My daughter is 10 years old and has come home on more than one
occasion recounting an incident at school in which she was teased or
harassed by a male classmate. There has been several times when someone
that she was retelling the story to responded with the old, “that just
means he likes you” line. Wrong. I want my daughter to know that being
disrespected is NEVER acceptable. I want my daughter to know that if
someone likes her and respects her, much less LOVES her, they don’t hurt
her and they don’t put her down. I want my daughter to know that the
boy called her ugly or pushed her or pulled her hair didn’t do it
because he admires her, it is because he is a little asshole and
assholes are an occurrence of society that will have to be dealt with
for the rest of her life. I want my daughter to know how to deal with
assholes she will encounter throughout her life. For now, I want my
daughter to know that if someone is verbally harassing her, she should
tell the teacher and if the teacher does nothing, she should tell me. If
someone physically touches her, tell the teacher then, if it continues,
to yell, “STOP TOUCHING/PUNCHING/PUSHING ME” in the middle of class or
the hallway, then tell me. Last year, one little boy stole her silly
bandz from her. He just grabbed her and yanked a handful of them off of
her wrist. When I went to the school to address the incident, the
teacher smiled and explained it away to her, in front of me, “he
probably has a crush on you”. Okay, the boy walked up to my daughter,
grabbed and held her by the arm and forcibly removed her bracelets from
her as she struggled and you want to convince her that she should be
flattered? Fuck off. I am going to punch you in the face but I hope you
realize it is just my way of thanking you for the great advice you gave
my daughter. If these same advice givers’ sons came home crying because
another male classmate was pushing them, pulling their hair, hitting
them or calling them names, I would bet dollars to donuts they would
tell him to defend themselves and kick the kid’s ass, if necessary. They
sure as shit wouldn’t say, “he probably just wants a play date”.
I will teach my daughter to accept nothing less than respect. Anyone
who hurts her physically or emotionally doesn’t deserve her respect,
friendship or love. I will teach my boys the same thing as well as the
fact that hitting on girls doesn’t involve hitting girls. I can’t teach
my daughter to respect herself if I am teaching her that no one else has
to respect her. I can’t raise sons that respect women, if I teach them
that bullying is a valid expression of affection.
The next time that someone offers up that little “secret” to my
daughter, I am going to slap the person across the face and yell, “I
LOVE YOU”.
”
You Didn’t Thank Me For Punching You in the Face « Views from the Couch (via ceedling)
And always remember that the boys are listening, too, and learning that this is how they are expected to show their affections.
(via joyouslyprofane)
1 comment:
This is why Ally attend private school There is a zero tollerance to abuse of any sort. Class sizes are max 10 per grade from preschool - grade 12. Public school such, class sizes are in their mid to high 30's with one teacher. Kids are bullying one another and druggies are everywhere. For example, I did consider sending Ally to the Catholic School she attended temporary before we left for Africa, but because of that drug house which backs into the school park (and numerous complaints and not one thing can be done about it) I pulled her out entirely. I CARE ABOUT MY DAUGHTERS SAFETY! Too bad the general public doesn't care about theirs.
Stacey
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