I have always been staunchly pro-choice. It is your right to choose how you live your life, and what decisions you are comfortable being responsible for for the rest of your life. I would never dare judge you for making those decisions. I am not you, I do not know how you felt, I do not know what your circumstances were. No matter which way you chose, I offer you deep empathy. Abortion is difficult to psychologically overcome. So is adoption. And for some, so is motherhood.
My husband and I discussed abortion a couple times on long road trips. He says that the whole argument of pro choice or pro life boils down to one simple question: Are you okay with murder?
I like his definition.
This is the part where my choice comes into play. I choose life. If I were to find out this month that I'm pregnant again (my son is 4 months old), I'd go through with the pregnancy and dealing with 2 babies in diapers with bottles. We would probably need to buy a bigger house, and my mum might have to come live with us. But it could be accomplished. Or maybe we could offer to rent a room to a friend I have who loves babies and really wants to have 'em but possibly has fertility issues and prefers marriage to a sperm donor....
anyway. That's not the case. But if it were, we'd deal with it.
I am very fortunate to have that kind of support system.
Before my son was born were three long years of 2 abdominal surgeries (one open, one laparoscopic) and tests and finally a ray of light: a miscarriage. Yep, you heard me right, a miscarriage was my ray of hope. We considered finding out where abortions were performed and standing outside the facility asking if anyone wanted to reconsider and just give us their baby (social services pretty much ignored us after they received our application for adoption).
One of my relatives gave her son up for adoption. She was unmarried and her family and social circumstances at the time were such that she felt she would have been considerably ostracized for raising the child alone, not to mention that it probably wasn't economically feasible either. I applaud her courage. She has spent more than the last 30 years wondering how her baby is doing in life, making peace with knowing that he grew up in a family demographically similar to her own. As a mother who wanted a child so badly and almost couldn't have one, I am eternally grateful to my relative for her decision. I don't know for sure, but I have a pretty good idea of how much it meant to the boy's parents.
I will defend the right to choose what to do with a couple's fetus. I would hope that they receive proper counselling on the procedure, and that they have been able to understand what a huge gift adoption can be. I realize that often this isn't the reality. And I know too that sometimes abortions are done for medical reasons - the fetus is deformed and couldn't survive, or perhaps the mother has a major medical condition that wouldn't allow her to carry a baby to term. There are rape and incest to consider too. Another family member is a nurse and did part of an internship in the incest nursery. Apparently these poor babies were born without most natural reflexes and the vast majority died within 2 years. Who would want to bring that kind of life into the world?
My choice is life. If I knew someone was thinking of getting an abortion, I would try to talk them out of it, but I would try very carefully... because whatever choice they make will be difficult for them and the last thing they would need is to feel shame from me or anyone else.
If anyone reading this is considering abortion, drop me a comment. Let's talk. Send me an e-mail at jbarrett at sasktel dot net and maybe I can figure out how to let your fetus live. I know life is the hardest choice in many circumstances, but I also feel strongly that in the lives we lead, we are never presented with anything we can't (eventually) handle, even if it seems so totally impossible at the time.
I want to hear your thoughts and comments. This needs to be talked about more.
